Top Ten Things Dads Say to Their Kids, But Shouldn’t



Being the proud daddy to 7 kids with 39 more in the queue (don’t tell my wife I said that, she doesn’t know yet), parenting is a passion of mine to say the least. I think my wife might have said some of these things. I won’t cop to it, so don’t ask if I’m guilty. I’m sure these are her quotes…

Mind you, we’ve been married since high school, so some of this is funny and some of this is “too-bad-it’s-true” – we have made every parental mistake in the Book of Parental Mistakes. No matter what you read here, know it’s coming from someone in the trenches doing the every day difficult thing of parenting.

This “Top Ten” is a bit of an homage to David Letterman, with #1 being the top thing you do not want to say to your kids.

Top Ten Things Dads Say To Their Kids…But Shouldn’t

10) Do you want cake for breakfast? I’m pretty sure Bill Cosby said it has all the food groups – milk, eggs, grain… and icing.

9) Quick! Put away the Wii, mommy’s home!

8) This is between me and you, but mommy’s crazy.

7) Can I borrow a couple of bucks? I’m out of (insert vice here).

6) Don’t let your mother catch you doing that!

5) Do you have enough allowance saved up to bail me out? I’m in the County Jail.

4)…Yes, the same jail as last time.

3) Alright, kids, now that mommy’s gone – no more chores! We’ll clean up before she comes back from the retreat.

2) What? Mommy’s homeĀ early from the retreat?! I told you to keep the house clean! You’re in trouble, now!

And the #1 thing dads say to their kids…but shouldn’t, is:

1) Leave me alone, daddy’s working.


Alright, if you didn’t catch it, #1 really is the only serious item on the list. Sure, there’s a bit of truth in each item – well, mostly – but telling our kids we’re too busy to spend a few minutes or seconds with them a day isn’t funny.

What this does is send a clear message that, “You aren’t as important as this fiat-money I’m working for, and I don’t care how much it depreciates.” OK, really, you get the drift. If you’re a dad reading this list, do yourself and your kids a favor: spend time with them. Don’t make them play second fiddle to anything (within reason).

I say all of that because it’s easy to let time and opportunity slip away. Before you know it, one day bleeds into a week… bleeds into a month… a year… a missed graduation because of overtime… a missed homecoming or first day at college. Time flies when you’re making money, and then what?

Then you may be facing some alone time in a retirement home, wondering why nobody visits. Really, payback can’t be pretty. Do something each day, at least each week, to let those kids know you care about them. Forget the economy for a minute and think of your children for a second. Love ‘em like there’s no tomorrow. One day there won’t be.

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